This UPN “show” has pop tart Britney Spears and hubby Kevin Federline turning on a camera, pointing it in a mirror and recording their innermost thoughts. Unfortunately, they have a primetime forum in which to present their featherweight journey into self-indulgence.

The Spears-Federline union doesn’t appear in the premiere to be a relationship so much as a two-person kegger that’s destined to wind up in a painful hangover. Spears comes across like a party-hearty college girl with her shaky-cam, finger-up-her-nose, close-up-of-her-pores, leering video snippets.

“Chaotic” includes Spears cooing about the ********** (“Our *** is so good. . . . Ecstasy, ecstasy, ecstasy, ecstasy”) and suggesting to her new man, “Let’s just (bleep) all day.” He: “You know I’m down for that idea.” Ah, romance.

Their fellow executive producer, Susan Zirinsky, makes some cursory attempt to save the tactless twosome from themselves with more conventional interview footage of both Spears and Federline, but that merely illuminates the fact that we’re watching an installment of “Lifestyles of the Rich and Clueless.”

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