Check out this descriptive and detailed RUMORED summary from an anonymous fan on Brit’s Hold It Against Me music video.
Video opens with a shot of Earth, with lots of meteor things flying about. A bit GA- Untouchable if you want to have a comparison. (And by ‘a bit like’ I mean ‘it has meteors’.)
Lightbulbs flash, shot opens on an empty studio stage. TV flickering effects. B is getting her hair tousled, there is a clapperboard. All very ‘behind-the-scenes’ feeling… You get the idea.
Multi-coloured Britney logo! Wooshes onto screen as per most of the teasers. Why she didn’t stick with this logo for the entire campaign including artwork is beyond me. Multi-coloured Hold It Against Me logo!
B dances with a load of buff, half-naked male dancers. Her dancing is a bit lacklustre, sorry. She is wearing what looks like a pair of Rachel Stevens ‘So Good’ finger gloves though, so all is forgiven.
Men around her pull on futuristic trousers with zips and whatnot. B touches her own body a lot.
A man puts a cropped jacket on her. VERY NICE GLITTERY BOOTS ALERT.
Product placement #1- ‘Radiance’ perfume. Well, she wants to smell nice for all those half-naked men, I suppose.
Man (quite rudely, in my opinion) snatches perfume from her, while a man in purple Y-Fronts (he clearly couldn’t find a pair of trousers in his size) sidles up next to her. B does some more dancing, then puts some make-up on (product placement #2)
Y-Front man has found some trousers! He gets closer to B who does an AMAZING “whisper in your ear” move for the, er… “whisper in your ear” bit. Obviously.
Lots of hair-flicking. More dancing.
Finally, B in the big white dress! Screens around her… (won’t go into details, you’ve all seen the teasers). She looks BEAUTIFUL. The bottom of her dress appears to be moving and she gets ‘taller’. Suddenly, a few short men in Aladdin trousers burst out from under her skirt! Lord knows how long they’ve been under there.
They dance around a bit, and we cut to a shot of B using that dating website that Gaga loves so much. We also get a nice shot of the brand of computer monitor she is using (Product placements #3 and #4). The music is extended a bit here.
Now we get to the proper messy but proper amazing bit. B is in the red dress behind the microphones (again, we’ve all seen the teasers). There is a FANTASTIC ‘Rocky Horror’ bit with her lips (think ‘Late Night double Feature’!)
B does some dancing in the same set she was in at the start. Dancing is better (probably the best dancing in the video). Cut to shots of B looking mental behind the circle of microphones- she really does look AMAZING. She has a brilliant glittery fingernail.
Then there is that slow-mo-round-the-circle bit where all the dancers fall to the floor, like in the teaser. Cut to shots of her in the big white dress again. More dancing under her skirt- you can now see that the dancers are wearing a bizarre Kylie-esque outfit. One thrusts his crotch to the camera.
We are getting to the breakdown now. Brace yourselves. Lots of big white dress shots, interspersed with brief shots of B in another outfit. We see B singing in a load of monitors. PRODUCT PLACEMENT #5! (although it’s the same brand, so I suppose it’s technically product placement #4).
There is a really weird bit here right before the breakdown where there is a shot of her in the big white dress, and they’ve stretched her face so she looks like the joker. I might actually have nightmares about this one frame.
THEN IT’S THE BREAKDOWN. IT’S AMAZING. B in the big white dress shoots colours paint out of her fingertips (a bit Willow Smith, except with fingers and not hair), which drenches all the monitors and her big white dress. Meanwhile, the two Britney’s have an IMMENSE fight. And while all this is going on, there is a dance breakdown. It’s hard to tell how good the dancing is, it is so intercut that it’s not easy to figure out. However I feel that if it weren’t so intercut, it would actually be very good. You want it to be intercut though, because the fight is such a masterpiece. By the end of this segment, B in the big white dress has basically jizzed herself of colour and falls to the floor, as do the two Britneys who are fighting. There is some more (possibly) brilliant dancing, and all the fallen Britneys get up.
Then it’s the 30” teaser from yesterday, which I won’t bother explaining because we’ve all seen it. At the very end of the dancing the stage is on fire and everything is falling about, and there is a split-second frame of someone in a gimp mask.
AND THAT’S IT.
Guess we’ll have to wait until 9:55 PM EST tonight to know for real!