My Stream Of Consciousness

May 31, 2007 By Jordan Miller

Dear viewers,

You know, sometimes I feel like I am defending someone that doesn’t even want to defend herself. I actually started believing that up until a few days ago. I have to defend Britney not only to the thousands of people that read the site every day, but to my own friends and family. “WHY do you even like her?” is my favorite question. This question deserves no answer. I can’t explain it with words. It’s like catching a glimpse of the sun reflecting on a shiny surface, just bright enough for you to be so attracted to that you can’t look away. This sunlight is giving me an outlet, a way to express my self, and Goddamnit I’ll gaze at it all day. I finally stared back into the light for the first time in months since the letter Britney published on her official website just two days ago. The letter Britney wrote, displayed a lot more affection than any letter before — even if the ‘non-interested, go out of my way to trash Britney Spears closet fan’ can’t see that.

Britney makes mistakes, as we all do. The difference is ours don’t end up on television. The normal everyday human being can grow from their mistakes, and learn from them. Britney is scolded and reprimanded for hers. Even with the words she uses to defend herself against the relentless media (and I am including gossip bloggers in this as well), she is still broken down. Girl can’t win.

Britney addressed that letter to her fans. Anybody who responded to it other than a fan had no right to. Have your opinion, but are you that important to where you have to open your mouth about every sentence she has? Does breaking down each word she says, and manipulating it to put her in a negative light make you or your company feel better about themselves? It’s not Britney’s fault your wife is cheating on you with the mailman, so why take your aggression out on her? Why some people still feel the need to constantly put Britney in a light that shows all her flaws and shadows is beyond me. On one end of the spectrum, you have the devoted fan that will defend anything Britney does, anything. On the other end you have the hater that will tear her down even when she is admitting her flaws and weaknesses. The middle ground is gray, an area that is dangerous and seductive. This area holds the people who aren’t sure what to believe. Does Britney actually care? Does she even want a full-forced comeback? These questions are not left up to us, so answering them fulfills nothing; an area I have found myself treading through more often than not.

It’s almost impossible for any fan to actually enjoy Britney and her talent, without having to defend her actions and her personal life, as well as yourself. And you begin to think: “Why is any positive Britney story spun negatively?” Boys and girls, this is where money steps in. Bad Britney news is good Britney news… three words: It. Makes. Money. Negative stories make more of an impact than the positive ones do. Did my site get more views the day Britney shaved her head, or the day I announced she was doing several small House of Blues shows? I will leave that up to you to decide.

Now you ask, what exactly is this rant trying to express? Let Britney live. Let her breathe. Perhaps me putting in my two cents is silly. Perhaps she wants the negative stories to spin out of control to keep her name in the game. Perhaps the people closest to her should be cut off. What do I know? A question I ask every day. Perhaps that’s just it, I shouldn’t know what to think. Perhaps that’s what keeps me intrigued and hungry; always wanting to know more. All I know is I refuse to let the dark clouds block out the silver lining.

So if this message that you’re reading sounds like something a naïve 19 year old fan would write, you’re correct. I have kept my mouth shut over so many instances where I really should have stepped in to clarify. A message like this has been long overdue. Many will think I am crazy after this, and hey maybe I am. But they can never take away my truth. Go to the light Britney.