Madonna’s “Rebel Heart” Hacker Arrested

January 21, 2015 By Jordan Miller


No one artistically rapes Madonna and gets away with it!

Police arrested an Israeli man after a lengthy investigation proved he hacked into Madonna’s computer and stole her rebel heart. And her entire catalog of new music.

According to a statement by Lahav 433, the county’s version of the FBI, the suspect “broke into the personal computers of several international artists over the past few months and stole promotional final-cut singles which have yet to be released and traded them online for a fee.” It added: “In light of the findings of the investigation the unit collaborated closely with the FBI, with suspicion of even more break-ins to computers owned by unknown international artists, stealing and selling their works.”

Imagine getting thrown in jail and telling the inmates what you’re in for.

Madonna hacker: What you in here for?
Inmate: Ugh I killed someone. You?
Madonna hacker: I stole Madonna’s album.
Inmate: Cause we are living in a material world!

Here’s to hoping he popped into Britney Spears’ computer while he was at it!

Stealing is wrong, kids.