The milkshake might bring all the boys to the yard, but dirty ice cream keeps them away.

Lady Gaga has an unreleased track in every flavor, but “Dirty Ice Cream” is one of her tastiest.

The campy pop tune made its debut on the singer’s old MySpace (RIP) page in 2007, and later made appearances in some of Gaga’s live performances. Framing its origin in the era of the MySpace days might make it feel like a relic, but more than a decade later “Dirty Ice Cream” stands the test of time.

Though Mother Monster never officially released it (a crime I tell you!), she knew it contained the essential ingredients that a masterful pop tune demands. Gaga ultimately penned and released “Telephone” (though it almost went to Britney Spears), a song about how annoying guys can be / not having the time of day to deal with their neediness, but before releasing that mega-tune, Gaga was already pissed. She was primed and aggravated by men, and it was churned out in the form of “Dirty Ice Cream.” She acted on impulse, they satisfied a craving, then she discarded them in the bin with the bowl and spoon.



To understand Gaga’s rocky road, it’s imperative we sample the lyrics.

“But we’ve only been on one date, baby,” the pop star sings over a silky beat and icy frenetic production. “Yeah, and it was fun ’til you start acting crazy / I don’t really find it very cute or **** / When you call or incessantly t-t-text me.” Yup, “Dirty Ice Cream” is the cookies to “Telephone’s” cream. It was like Gaga had dessert for dinner then topped it off with another main course when she penned “Telephone.”

Don’t be dirty ice cream, baby
We could fall in love
But it’s too early to be calling me like that
Stop calling us, stop calling
It’s not indecision, just my female intuition
Doesn’t mean you can’t be calling me like that

“Stop calling, stop calling…” sound familiar?

“Telephone” certainly could not exist, Grammy nomination and all, if it wasn’t for “Dirty Ice Cream.” In that era, Gaga was clearly irritated with **** boys. Well, one **** boy in particular. The song was reportedly inspired by her relationship with ex-boyfriend Luc Carl. It’s worth mentioning that Luc is partly responsible for coining the term, dirty ice cream. It is believed he told her that meeting people in New York City bars (then hooking up with after?) tastes good the first time, but after a second or third serving they tasted like dirty ice cream. Though Gaga was far more private about her relationship with Luc than some of her other former flames, he’s supposedly the inspiration (or source of frustration) for a lot of Gaga’s early works, including “Yoü and I.”

When “Yoü and I” first premiered, Gaga said it was “‘written about the most important person that I ever met,” but refrained from naming names. Curiously, the intro of the music video features an ice cream truck and its sadistic driver. I might be reaching, but perhaps subconsciously Gaga associates ice cream to sticky situations that might look sweet on the outside (fame), but deep down it’s sour (integral moments from her childhood). “Yoü and I” might be the polar opposite of “Dirty Ice Cream.” In the video, Gaga is a tortured soul after spending time away from the person she loves, where on “Dirty Ice Cream”… it’s all she wants.



“I had a lot of really intense experiences when I was younger, some of which I have shared with you and some of which I haven’t. The ice-cream truck represents all of the destruction of my youth at a very young time in my life,” she explained in an interview in 2011. “So while walking down the road to find love, the memories of the destruction of my youth sort of get in the way. That’s how I wanted to open the video, because I think it really sets up the rest of the story. It allows you to imagine you yourself are not just one person; you’re so many. That person has so many stories and memories to draw from, and they all affect your journey profusely. I’m battered quite brutally at the beginning of the video, but at the end, I’m not battered; I’m a bit strange. It’s not meant t to be an answer video; it’s meant to be a profuse number of the question.”

“Dirty Ice Cream” is one of the best unreleased Gaga tracks. Not only because it was the catalyst for some of her best work to come, but because it’s a perfectly batched pop song that swirls together infectious sounds with a vivacious energy about guys that’s relatable to anyone who’s ever grown tiresome of tending to a dude’s incessant needs. If “Dirty Ice Cream” had a tagline, it’d be can I live? And all these years later Gaga is still very much tired of men who aren’t at her level.

Leave a Reply