Hey, K-Fed, we’ve been down this road before. We thought you might be just a flash in the buzz pan, but you persevered and kept a stubbly grip on fame. Now, we still expect to see you on The Surreal Life in a few years, but we have to give a man props who doesn’t even bother to tie his shoelaces. You’ve taken the baseball cap of stardom and rocked it as only you can.
Since we have your attention, we thought we’d let you know that searches on your name are up a staggering 1,019% over the past week. We know it’s not only ’cause you’re oh-so-handsome and debonair — that little boy of yours might have something to do with it. Although he’s your third child, he’s the first that can lay claim to the vast fortunes of Cajun chanteuse Britney Spears. So while you’re blazin’ in Buzz, don’t forget where your Cheetos are crisped, because Britney is responsible for about 60 times as many searches as you. No matter what she does, Britney can’t seem to shake searchers’ affections. She’s still in our top 20 searches, and has been for the better part of 5 years.
After Britney experienced the joy of childbirth, we witnessed an array of baby-related queries on your lovely wife. Britney’s bouncing baby boy inspired “britney spears baby pictures,” “britney spears baby names,” and “britney spears baby news.” The name of your bundle of joy is quite the subject of speculation, with top guesses wavering between Preston and Sean. Whatever the moniker, searches on “preston michael spears federline” eked out a tiny triumph over “sean preston spears federline.”
As for your first baby mama, searches on Shar Jackson went from a flat line into the thousands as fans remembered your “other” family. This whole baby thing may not be new to you, but it is Britney’s first go-round with a child, so give the new mother all the space she needs to sell those precious baby pictures to the highest bidder. Ah, parenthood!