Journalism 2017.

What a time to be a live.

How does Justin Bieber’s genitalia make the news so frequently? Your guess is as good as mine, yet here we are.

Let’s get right to it: TMZ reports that the Biebs visited a hospital in Long Island New York back in May because he feared he twisted one of his testicles during a soccer game. Yes, this is a real thing. But that’s not why there’s legal trouble. According to the suit, a staffer was accused by the hospital of looking up Bieb’s medical file on one of their computers after reportedly hearing he was there for contracting an STD and was ultimately fired for it. She is refuting those claims entirely.

Naturally, TMZ has the gritty details:

Sources connected to Justin tell TMZ, he did NOT go to the hospital for an STD. They say he had been playing soccer and suffered a painful injury. Justin “WebMD’d himself” into a tizzy and believed he had testicular torsion, a serious condition caused when a spermatic cord becomes twisted cutting off the flow of blood to the attached testicle. It almost always requires surgery. We’re told the doctor examined Justin and quickly realized all that was wrong was a swollen testicle. A relieved Justin then left the ER and went about his life.

Did I wake up today thinking I’d write about this? Absolutely not. Am I so happy I have? Absolutely not.

King of making the news for twisting a testicle.

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