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I'm a 21-years-old virgin. Help!

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Lost my (gay) virginity at 21 as well. It was with someone who I had seen more than once and not through Grindr where the first thing they look for is fuckability. If you are looking to lose your virginity to someone who is more than just a one night stand, then stick to it and you don't be ashamed! It takes a while to become comfortable and find the person you feel safe with. If that means waiting a little longer, then so be it. Best of luck, it's a big deal -- so hopefully you will make it special if you want it to be!!

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On 7/28/2017 at 7:13 PM, -Liar. said:

I almost lost my virginity tonight with a guy on Grindr, but I didn't want to do it because I'm a stupid f**k who is trying too hard to look like a romantic when actually I'm just an insecure little bitch.


I think you need to re-read your own statements here and reflect upon why you seemingly have so much self-hatred and are internalizing anger to this extent. You're being incredibly hard on yourself. 

Notice you also said, "I didn't want to do it." Is that because you're not actually ready yet, or is it due to your insecurities? 

EVERYONE is insecure in romantic and sexual relationships to some extent, because putting your heart and body out there for another person is an incredibly vulnerable experience. You never can know if the recipient will appreciate what you've shared with them, or if you'll never hear from them again. 

As such, I highly recommend first having sufficient self-esteem, so that you know prior to the sex itself, that even in the event your partner breaks up with you afterward/engages in ghosting behavior, YOU will nevertheless still be okay. 

Also, there is absolutely no right or wrong age to lose your virginity (barring, of course, individuals under the age of legal consent). Some people are ready at 16; others aren't ready till their mid-twenties or later. And I know it's much easier said than done, but try your best to tune out what your friends/others in your social circle are doing, and just figure out what's right for YOU. 

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