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My history with depression


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Really appreciate you taking the time to write this out. That's a great step towards overcoming depression.

I shared your topic on the homepage, I hope that's ok. I am sure many others struggle with this as well. Of course I want Exhale to be a place to read about pop music news and pop culture / LGBTQ items, but I also want people to know they can come here to connect with others and help each other. 

Thank you for being an inspiration @SpearsSpearsBrit

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10 minutes ago, Jordan Miller said:

Really appreciate you taking the time to write this out. That's a great step towards overcoming depression.

I shared your topic on the homepage, I hope that's ok. I am sure many others struggle with this as well. Of course I want Exhale to be a place to read about pop music news and pop culture / LGBTQ items, but I also want people to know they can come here to connect with others and help each other. 

Thank you for being an inspiration @SpearsSpearsBrit

oww thankU Jordan :tysm:

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@SpearsSpearsBrit it was nice reading you, depression is the first cause of disability worldwide but for fear to prejudice people prefers not to talk about it. I have struggled with chronic depression for some years now and many other friends I met in my master degree were as well. 
I really hope you feel better now and if for any reason you feel like having a relapse try some of this: 

  • Diet and excercise: I really see a huge change when I eat too many carbs and alcohol, I feel much more axious and alcohol is considered a to have depressive effects on people. Running is a also very good to create serotonin and endorphins. 
  • Therapy, therapy and therapy: Its important to find a cool therapist feel connected to and have at least 2 sessions a month. 
  • Sleep cycles: I consider myself a nocturnal animal but sleeping without a routine really mess with my serotonin levels, mind is strongly affected by irregular sleeping cycles.

Hope this might be helpful ;)  keep strong :sendinglove:


 

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5 hours ago, Barajas said:

@SpearsSpearsBrit it was nice reading you, depression is the first cause of disability worldwide but for fear to prejudice people prefers not to talk about it. I have struggled with chronic depression for some years now and many other friends I met in my master degree were as well. 
I really hope you feel better now and if for any reason you feel like having a relapse try some of this: 

  • Diet and excercise: I really see a huge change when I eat too many carbs and alcohol, I feel much more axious and alcohol is considered a to have depressive effects on people. Running is a also very good to create serotonin and endorphins. 
  • Therapy, therapy and therapy: Its important to find a cool therapist feel connected to and have at least 2 sessions a month. 
  • Sleep cycles: I consider myself a nocturnal animal but sleeping without a routine really mess with my serotonin levels, mind is strongly affected by irregular sleeping cycles.

Hope this might be helpful ;)  keep strong :sendinglove:


 

thanks a lot honey. Apples are also a contribution to dopamine for the brain ;)

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On 8/18/2020 at 10:58 PM, SpearsSpearsBrit said:

Hello exhalers :hiii: I wanted to write a little about my struggle with depression, different stages and my current state. I would also like to share life experiences and ways of how they faced it.

it is a very long story and surely few people will be interested in reading it :disappointed: I also translated it with google, so it will be difficult to read hehehe But I would like that if someone feels bad and reduces their internal suffering because they feel they have a good life and do not know how to be grateful, that my story will serve them well. ;)
I would like more exhalers to share their long experiences with the constant struggle that those of us who suffer from this disease have and share, to bring out all the bad. :yaknow:
I just wrote a long text that is very relaxing and healing. You feel happiness when you see progress and it makes you want to continue improving (at least in my case)

well my story begins like this. I grew up in a dysfunctional family where my father beat my mother every weekend. When I was 7 years old she died, I thought it would be the end of suffering but there was still much left. My mother (who is very good) had her own demons and has never been able to contain me. Therefore I continued surrounded by fights, conflicts and emotional abandonment. My classmates weren't very helpful either. For a long time I suffered bullying because of my physicality and my sexuality. I did not know how to defend myself so I grew up being a kind of joke for everyone ... and at that time I thought that laughter was the maximum love I could have.

From the age of 13 I began to expand my circle of friends. I started to bond (not lasting) and that made me feel better. Despite the fact that the whole environment in my house was a total chaos, with my mother we got along very badly, she was very jealous and possessive, she would not let me go to parties and when I had activities like going to the mall at least she called me 3 times checking where he was, what he was doing. Also, I constantly spoke ill of my friends, always wanting to make it clear that the people who joined me were a joke, that I had no real friends ... which made me feel deeply pathetic and inferior to the rest. :disappointed:

first stage 16 years. Onset of severe anxiety

when I started experiencing depression it was at 16. I was constantly feeling empty and sad and didn't know why. The suicidal thoughts began to become frequent and strong, but despite everything, i felt that it was stupid, that i should not listen to them. I felt weak and childish ... now I understand how serious it was to lower my feelings

17-19 hyperventilation

When I was 17 I started drinking alcohol. My city is small so everyone knows each other, however, I was too well known. If I went to a party, all the guests located me, showed interest in me and always invited me to many celebrations.
 However, despite believing that he had clear ideas, he used parties only when he was depressed about problems at home, so it was a time of many unfortunate drunken attitudes. Sometimes I got drunk at parties, I had erratic attitudes in full drunkenness and that made me a very bad name in my city.
 I reached a stage of being very overexposed to gossip, many people wanted to know my sexuality, if I was as alcoholic as "everyone said", who I was dating, etc. Other times I would go to a party, dance, come to my house a little married and a few days later a friend said to me "Hey, I knew they saw you very drunk at that party, right?" And while it often was, most of the time it wasn't. It happened to me a lot that they made up things that I didn't even know I was doing.
 By the time I turned 19, everyone believed that I was a stupid young man with no future, the people of my city pigeonholed me and believed that they knew me well from the comments. :sobbing:

19-21 University

I changed city at 19 to find my bearings. I took a career influenced by the wishes of my family because cinema was not going to give me so much money. For 2 years I studied excessively, I tried hard, I wanted to look smart and show that I could ... but the hatred of my career was very great. The suicidal desires returned and worse, constantly after studying I fell asleep crying, I just wanted to retire and study cinema ... or I just wanted to be happy.
 I went to psychologists but I told them half of what I felt, because I still had that damn habit of inferiorizing my feelings.
 At 20 I became someone uraño and conflictive. He was constantly involved in fights started by me. My circle of friends was considerably reduced and I was considered unpleasant by many, which caused me many bad times.
 The worst thing is that I got more and more shy and withdrawn. All that joy of mine was fading, I was having trouble making friends or engaging in interesting conversation topics.
 On the other hand, I reached a point of type I obesity, therefore I always had comments regarding my physique. By 21 I lost weight, which made me obsessed with my physique, and despite being thin, I felt fat, and I wore baggy clothes to hide my stomach (and the truth was I was very skinny)

21-22 copy and paste

As for love, until the age of 22 I always fell in love with heterosexual men. For some reason homosexuals did not attract my attention, which made me lose a lot of time, because although I could have *** with someone and had a good time, my head was thinking of another man

The first semester of university I realized that he did not know anything about me. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life, I was only studying to prove to others, and never to prove something to myself. I stopped studying and started cheating on all my tests to prioritize my mental health, but it got worse ... every time I came out of a copy I felt like my life was a sham. Besides that I was still too shy to make strong friendship bonds so I felt lonely. Not to mention that despite the fact that I was not heavy with my teammates, I had already made myself a reputation for conflict, adding the copion, I was one of the most hated of my career.

I'm not a bad person, I just have my demons like everyone else, and as a young man I didn't know how to control it. I never make comments with evildoers and I always try to be a good partner, however the people around me were determined to see me as a bad boy, cheater and ironic (well, I am ironic but I do not realize it ... and I really love it. Guilty pleasure :raven:)

22-23 etapa final: Rehabilitación

I started going to the gym and worrying more about my physique. I met several suitors who gave me a good time, however, I fell in love with a gay boy who was not interested because we were both passive ... but he lied to me, he told me he was active :selenerz:
 The worst part is that obviously no relationship I tried worked out in the long term, because I was always thinking about him.
 That year I spent many moments of anguish and loneliness (as always) I was far away from my mother because I could no longer bear her character ... but despite everything I knew that something inside me was improving, because at least the desire to commit suicide had already decreased considerably.

3 months after turning 23, I had a strong relapse :imacat: I just wanted to retire or kill myself. I returned to my hometown for vacations and my mother was someone else, even though I was very defensive and had sudden mood swings, she taught me that if she could recover, I too because I was young. The anxiety disappeared, I became someone nice and with personality again. :gagasmile:
 When the pandemic started, I had a lot of time to analyze what I want and where I want to go. Re fall in love with my career and life in general. Understand that life is a constant university and that if you are going to be above the lane it is better that you see the most beautiful landscape possible.
 Now I believe in reincarnation, and that sooner or later the energies reward us ... if we are happy people we attract happy auras too :clap1:

And most importantly, that feelings are valid, you just have to live them and not repress them. Look them in the face and kiss them, and get on with life. Knowing that I am a priority, listening to my instincts and knowing that the path I am going is the right one, because despite having my demons, I have not made bad decisions, my mother will have her character but she is faultless and magnificent in her own way. I have a small group of friends but they are very loyal and caring.

The best thing is that it gave me young depression, without money and without great responsibilities other than studying. I hope I can face life in a good way and be as honest as possible :ari:

thanksforreadingme:hiii:depression.jpg.a48f0aa0f7e46d02bdb6cfe492c566af.jpg

i really love this! You are BRAVE and STRONG it takes a lot to talk about personal stuff and it's not on deaf ears. I feel like this is gonna open up a whole new hopefully supportive dialogue though this forum isn't so great at that. You're gonna change lives with this! I adore you.

Forgive me for saying I hope no one gets mad(*cough Roxxy) but I have bipolar disorder. 

 

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  • 1 month later...

It is a very interesting and inspiring story! I am not at that level, yet. I have so much to learn about myself but you truly opened my eyes.

Thank you for that!

Thank you for sharing your personal issues with us and I would like a follow up :wink_britney_everytime_white:

Oh, and congratulation for having the balls to put it on the wide exhale :hugs_madonna_britney_ftr_2008_circus_hugging_friends_support:

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I am grateful for the clear water I drink, the food in my plate, the warm bed and comfy apartment I have.

Billions of people in this world do not have any of this, I will always feel privileged and thankful for having it all :kidcries_crying_sad_tearing_up_sobbing:

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