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Should Lesbians and Bi Girls Be Able To Use The F Slur?

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so basically this discussion was brought to my attention by the thread and argument under this tweet


basically people are arguing about whether it's okay for Doja Cat to have used the word f-ggot because she is bisexual.

a lot of people are saying that the f slur should only be used by gay and bisexual men, as historically it has been used to target homosexual men specifically. Some bi women and lesbians in the thread however disagree, saying that since the word has been used against them, they have the right to reclaim it.

I personally don't think it feels right for lesbians and bi women to use it, that word has such a strong connotation to me and historical use that has always targeted males in the community (and transgender and nonbinary people too). I wouldn't feel comfortable using the word d-ke either. Sure you can make argument that people who have been a victim of a slur personally in their lives have a right to reclaim it, but i don't think that argument holds up. A lot of non-black POC have been called the n-word in their lives, but they shouldn't say the n-word. If me, a neurotypical person, grew up being bullied and called r--tard, do i have a pass for the rest of my life to use the r slur?

what do you guys think?

Bonus question: How do you feel about bisexuals calling themselves gay? of course they're part of the LGBT community but to me it just feels weird to use the word gay, like do gay people not get their own word?

saying you're bi is shorter and more accurate of a description, so why not just say that? it just feels strange to me because the experiences of the two can be so different and doesn't make sense for them to be conflated. For example, I have a female bi friend who has only publicly dated men, and her calling herself gay.. just feels.. wrong. Like it's appropriative, her experience does not align at all with the experiences of lesbians and gay men, so calling yourself gay doesn't seem to make sense. anyways, i hope we can have a civil discussion about this and i'd like to hear all of your thoughts!

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among me and my queer friends, i'm ok with f/gg/t and d/k/e being used by anyone as long as they're gay/bi/etc and aren't trying to be hateful to other members (like lesbians using f/g to hurt gay men and vice versa with d/k/) as we're all in the same boat together (tr/nn/ is a bit different and only trans people should be saying that in general), but i don't know...it DOES irk me when females say it regardless of their sexuality. i'm sometimes ok with terms like f/g hag (which doesn't get used much anymore anyway) from CERTAIN woman but i'm not sure if they should be saying f/g at all anymore. i've used d/k/ around lesbian friends too but i would gladly not do it again if it meant women wouldn't say f/g anymore. imo being called it when it's not meant for you doesn't give you a right...straight boys get called f/g all the time in school as an insult, doesn't mean they get to use that word without repercussions. non-black poc should NOT say a certain word either, but black people shouldn't use slurs directed at non-black poc either. 

i would also like to note bisexual people diverge pretty heavy from people than ID as gay on a lot of beliefs...i'd have to find the pew poll(s) but bisexual people iirc felt far less like gay communities should remain distinct and rather tended to believe we should assimilate. bisexual women also have far greater acceptance by society, let's be honest. they and gay men are the biggest segments of the community (lesbians are third, bi men fourth, trans people fifth and a bit more detached, etc) and i can't help but see some kind of schism formed between the two lately...at times i feel like women can be incredibly homophobic towards gay men in ways that get ignored and if called out lead to accusations of misogyny. bisexual women have challenges gay men don't but they DO have it better than gay men (and lesbians and bisexual men too) do so it kind of feels like a bigger insult to here bisexual women try and justify using slurs against gay men. they have a leg up on other members of the community both directly (less violence and hatred slung at them than at gay or bi men and lesbians) and indirectly (they're far less likely to deviate in typical gender appearance than gay men and lesbians, and it's deviating from gender norms in appearance that causes an exponential increase in violence risk. feminine gay men have pretty high risks of being harmed esp if they're black iirc) and have those more substantial numbers that bisexual men lack which gives them more weight and more of a community so it hurts when they wield it against the rest of us.

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That word is associated with gay males, not gay females, so I don’t find it appropriate for gay females to be using it. While LGTBQ+ people face similar struggles, the struggles non-straight men face are different from the struggles non-straight women face. Like you said, I wouldn’t find it appropriate for a gay man to use the word d...ke either.

I use the term “gay” to describe anything non-straight just because it’s easier. I just did it in the paragraph above this one. I realize the meaning isn’t technically correct, but I don’t like using the word queer. Plus, I know a good amount of people who don’t know what they are and can’t figure their sexuality out, so just saying gay is easier that saying non-straight.

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