Britney Spears To Hold Vigil For Tom DeLay?October 4, 2005
Britney Spears announced today that she would travel to Crawford, Texas and maintain a vigil in front of President Bush’s ranch until a Texas grand jury repeals the indictment of former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay.
Dressed in her signature hip-hugger pants and with little Sean Preston in a Baby Bjorn strapped to her chest wearing a T-shirt that read “Future Republican,” Spears held an impromptu press conference in front of the Silver Eagle touring bus that will take her to Crawford. “This is an outrage,” said Spears. “I have not been so utterly nauseated since my first trimester.” She patted her son’s head. “And Little Tom…that’s right…I’ve renamed my son Tom…Tom DeLay Sean Preston Spears because I’m not ashamed to name him after a hero. Little Tom and I are going down there, and we’re not leaving until George Bush does something about this!”
When it was pointed out to Spears that the President hasn’t been at the Crawford ranch for some time, Spears bristled. “I didn’t say this was going to be easy. You think fitting into these pants so soon after the birth of Little Tom DeLay was easy? No.” Spears then went on to say that the grand jury indictment stunk more “than Little Tom’s Huggies after a right breast full of my milk has gone through him.”
It was also pointed out to Spears that a federal court would, if at all, review an action by a state court first and not President Bush, a member of the Executive Branch. “See,” said Spears, “it’s exactly this type of legal loophole that charges an honest man with a crime. And what exactly was that crime? I read that indictment like five times, and I still couldn’t figure it out. So how bad could it be?”
Bad enough so that DeLay, if convicted, could face a two-year prison sentence.
Spears plans to arrive in Crawford by Friday and has asked for an audience with DeLay as a show of support. The pop star mom also plans to go on a “strict macrobiotic diet as an act of protest.” When asked what she will say to DeLay if she gets her meeting, Spears held up her son. “I’ll tell him Big Tom, this is Little Tom; and when he grows up, he wants to be just like you, except with blond hair.”