MAUI – Britney Spears is quickly learning to appreciate the culture and customs of Hawaii, as the accompanying image shows. In that image Ms. Spears, wearing an autographed organic hat from Bono’s Edun collection, is cheerfully participating in the ancient Hawaiian wedding custom Wahuli Loma.
According to Hawaiian tradition, newlyweds can secure the blessings of Wahuli Loma on themselves and their children if they push a lawn chair with a pregnant tourist in it ten yards in fewer than twenty seconds on their wedding day. Wahuli Loma, the Hawaiian god/goddess of fertility, has the face of Don Ho and the body of a female volcano. Ms. Spears said she was unaware of the lounge-chair-pushing custom when she wandered into the wedding reception on the grounds of the hotel where she and her husband rap star Kevin “K-Fed” Federline are staying.
“Ah was jes lookin’ for mah daymn huzbund,” said Ms. Spears. “Ah’d heard he wuz scopin’ out the talent at some weddin’ reception, and ah was gonna tear him a new one if hit was true. Ah ain’t spendin’ $12,000 a night on some honeymoon suite to rekindle mah daymn marriage jes so he kin step out on me. He kin do that at home for free.”