The Singles That Never Were

Sometimes I run, sometimes I hide, sometimes I wish Team Britney chose other singles off her flawless albums to share with fans. Britney’s had tons of brilliant hits, but what if we could choose one more song from each album. I’ve collaborated with Brad Stern from in a little friendly competition of what we think should’ve been the +1 off each of Brit’s studio albums, kicking it off with “Baby One More Time” through her latest, Femme Fatale. Here are mine:

Baby One More Time: “I Will Still Love You”
Pure pop mushiness at its best. This duet with Don Phillips makes kittens purr, rainbows radiate and melts my heart. Britney is practically Einstein in this song, opening up with: “Time will take us apart, but I will still love you, I promise.” She acknowledges stars are falling, the world is doomed and time is ripping her apart from the one she cares for most, but it doesn’t matter, because her energy is, and will always be, connected to her lover. He is her every season, and she is his sky, his earth, his eternity. Even if his dreams fade, she reassures him he’ll be in hers. Pure romance.

Oops!…I Did It Again: “Don’t Go Knockin On My Door”
Britney’s over it, y’all. Time’s up. Stop cheating. Stop lyin. Him and her are like so byebye. I think Carrie Underwood said ’I need to make a great girl-breaking-up-with-a-guy anthem,’ listened to this song then penned “Before He Cheats.” Brit’s no fool; she’s tired of having to be the one that pays for dinner, holds the door open, and endures watching him play endless rounds Mortal Kombat. This song has so much sass, attitude and fire in it, little girls and gay boys alike would’ve rocked this song in their bedrooms. On the other hand, maybe the guy she was dating was a class act, and Britney was tired of that monotony and made it all up. At the end of the song she hits up her assistant Felicia. Britney is laughing hysterically and mocks his ***** ***: “’So then he goes, no matter what I do for you… it never. Seems. To be. Enough.’ EW! I can’t believe he said that.” Then she asks Felicia if what he said is true. Felicia calls Britney out, saying “Well… you are!” Britney can’t even believe this shiz! And then, .75 seconds later agrees. Cause homegirl knows what she likes! And a year or two later her and Justin broke up.

Britney: “Lonely”
I’m surprised this song didn’t have a “(Ain’t No Way I Be)” in front of it, because she’s anything but lonely in this track. In fact, she wants it that way. It’s HIM that’s lonely after he left her for no apparent reason. Do you think she cares? Yea, she gave him heart and soul, but she won’t take his HUH no more. She’s Britney ******’ Spears. You made her waste precious time! Her low, **** voice competing with the dangerous background beat makes for one of the best songs off her third studio album. I’m pretty sure she held her middle finger up the entire time she recorded this. But Brit’s got a sensitive side, cooing in the breakdown she cried, she was lost, tired of trying, before quickly firing back with a badass rap reassuring him she’s not just another chick he can walk on. I guess this dude didn’t get the message after Brit told him in “Don’t Go Knockin’ On My Door” that he was not allowed back in.

In The Zone: “Showdown”
The universe stopped “Outrageous” for a reason. I could be cliché and choose “Breathe On Me” because derrr this site’s named Breathe Heavy, but “Showdown” is one of my all-time favorite Britney songs. Brit sounds like she chain-smoked a pack of *** before laying it down. This showdown between her and hookup, boyfriend, stranger, whatever, is only good because they fought before it. A good **** is nice, but it’s better when you just screamed your lungs out at them first. Plus Britney is cocky as hell in it; she reminds him she’s hotter than he is, makes music videos and reassures him there’s more that meets the eye. Plus, how polite is she to say please after asking him to unzip her pants. Maybe that’s what she meant by “here comes the showdown.”

Blackout: “Heaven On Earth”
Put me on a cloud, blindfold me, and send me off to the ends of the Earth. I’ll be ok, as long as this song’s on repeat throughout my journey. It’s timeless, it’s sincere, it’s sad. Britney, so beautifully, details her entire 2007 heartbreak in this track. All she wants is reassurance she’s the one for him, because to her… he is. There’s nothing about him she doesn’t love: his touch, his face, his mind, his soul, it’s all she needs. She’s literally crazy about him, images of him occupy her mind all day. She’ll gladly fall off the edge of her mind, as long as he’s the one catching her; a total free-fall into a fantasyland that doesn’t exist except in the walls of her insanity. But who cares… she’s in love. So in love.

Circus: “Mannequin”
I think most people would say “What. The. Fuuuck?” if this song was released, but it makes total sense. Britney wants us to know what we’ve done to her. We put her on top of the world, and then kicked her off once we got too comfortable. Fame and its web of consequences caused Britney to crash, and it’s impossible to pick up all the pieces. You can cry about losing ~the old Britney,~ but she doesn’t care. Watch her, dress her, but no matter what you’ll never impress her. She won’t change for anyone. “Adjust,” she says. And we did.

Femme Fatale: “Inside Out”
Britney gave us something to remember. One of the biggest mistakes of the Femme Fatale era was not releasing this song to the public and giving it a proper video treatment. She doesn’t let many people in, and the one she did drove her crazy. Her feelings are turned inward and her expressions outward. It’s like her mind tells her to talk to him and work things out, but her body says otherwise. She shuts him up; all she wants at this point is one thing, because she knows they’re doomed. It’s a push-and-pull game of love. She wants him, but can’t let him go. It’s black and white, up and down, hot and cold, all at the same time. Better yet, it’s Inside Out.

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