Zayn is opening up about some dark times he endured as a famous boybander.
The former One Direction member released an excerpt from his autobiography Zayn a few weeks ago, but it didn't preview the bombs his self-penned work had in store. To market Zayn, he's sharing a few more passages that reveal a peak inside the anxious mind of the 23-year-old, including his hectic workload and why he bailed on the Capital Radio Summertime Ball.
An eating disorder
“Something I’ve never talked about in public before, but which I have come to terms with since leaving the band, is that I was suffering from an eating disorder. It wasn’t as though I had any concerns about my weight or anything like that, I’d just go for days – sometimes two or three days straight – without eating anything at all. It got quite serious, although at the time I didn’t recognise it for what it was. I think it was about control. I didn’t feel like I had control over anything else in my life, but food was something I could control, so I did.”
He added: “I had lost so much weight I had become ill. The workload and the pace of life on the road put together with the pressures and strains of everything going on within the band had badly affected my eating habits.”
Cancelling the 2016 Capital Radio Summertime Ball
“On the morning of the 2016 Capital Radio Summertime Ball, an anxiety attack hit me like a f***ing freight train. I felt sick. I couldn’t breathe. The idea of it totally freaked me out and I was paralysed with anxiety. This overwhelming fear just kicked in out of nowhere, bringing with it a s***storm of self-doubt. When my management team came over to see what was wrong, I was on total psychological lockdown. I would make a move to walk out of the house, to get into a car that would then drive me to Wembley, but I could only manage a few paces before I hit an imaginary wall. It stopped me in my tracks, and I would have to sit down again.”
He adds: “The plan is to start performing smaller venues and work my way up from there. This anxiety isn’t going to get the better of me.”
Zayn is available for pre-order here.