Mississippi Burning – For Britney Spears

In a bold marketing move, the state of Mississippi is negotiating to steal Louisiana's favorite daughter, Britney Spears.
The Office of Tourism and Travel approached Britney's representatives in early March about having Spears move to Mississippi.
In the proposed deal, Spears would receive 400 acres of land in Rosedale, a mansion fashioned out of different brands of luxury trailers, and executive status at every casino in the Magnolia State. Also, Spears could receive an annual salary from Mississippi. The state will begin paying Spears' salary when she reaches 200 pounds in weight or is dropped from her recording contract.
Spears and husband Kevin Federline will receive a bonus for each child they have together. The family will also receive a bonus for each child that qualifies for and attends college.
In exchange, Spears and Federline will become citizens of Mississippi and agree to send their children through the public school system. Spears will also be required to perform at the Mississippi State Fair for each of the next twenty years. A Fox Television reality show is rumored to be part of the deal.
While most in Hollywood are publicly laughing at the proposed deal, many insiders are concerned that the deal could create a shift of power from Hollywood to the Deep South. Jessica Simpson and husband Nick Lachey are also rumored to be in negotiations with Simpson's home state of Texas for a similar deal. Most insiders doubt a deal with the "Newlyweds" will materialize, as both appear tired of reality television.
Attempts to phone and email the state of Mississippi were unsuccessful. However, in a telegram, Daniel Underling, administrative assistant to the Director of Tourism, did acknowledge the negotiations.
"We're real happy about Britney coming here, stop," stated Underling. "She's taken a lot of grief in the tabloids about going in public restrooms without shoes and her husband only wearing undershirts in public, stop. I think she'll find that we're a lot more at ease here in Mississippi, stop. She'll be a great addition to our family, stop."

Representatives for Spears would not comment on the proposed deal.

Credit: deadbrain.com