Miley Cyrus Is The New Face Of…

January 30 2015, 5:13 pm


What does it all mean?! Is a heart attack on the horizon? Is she just smelling it before throwing it away? Is it bulking season? Is she training to be a cage fighter? Does she go to Planet Fitness every pizza Monday to watch the homeless people do some abs and then shower, all while catching a slice of 'za? And where is the cheesy bread?! Shit!

We caught up with Miley and she was more than happy to explain.

Yeah man, I'm just really about that pizza life. I feel like I am going through this creative journey, and it feels just very 'college' to me. Me and my bros, we go get some brews, eat a few slices of BBQ chicken, and then take selfies next to sleeping bums in the park. It has all led me down this creative path of... Well, I got some big news about to blow up. I probably shouldn't say yet, my publicist would kill me...but f#ck it! I'm designing a line of hot-&-ready couture for men and women. It is very Mugatu-inspired glam. Pizza Glam, if you will. We are doing purses, gowns, gym clothes, and we even have a line of jewelry. The Midwest is going to be our biggest demographic and we are targeted to just f#cking blow up.

She then pulled out what looked like a big gum ball, and put it in her mouth.

This is something we've been working on, it's pizza flavored gum. The only thing is that it gives you killer diarrhea. Anyway, the clothing line has a celebrity endorser, but I cannot divulge that info just yet. But, she is all about that bass...

What IS pizza? What is life? A walk down Miley's Instagram memory lane might be able to answer not just some, but all of those questions...

First, she posted this:

Pig in a pizza blanket #homemadehawaiian

A photo posted by Miley Cyrus (@mileycyrus) on

Utter chaos ensued as pizza joints around the world exploded in a frenzy of crazed reefer madness! But she didn't stop there!

Itzzzzz allllll about pizza mane Una foto publicada por Miley Cyrus (@mileycyrus) el

Hysteria was in full-swing, people were looting Little Caesar's, Domino's, AND Jet's. "Bro! All I have is $4.50" echoed across the countryside... Dark times were upon us

Goodnight from da pizza fam

Miley Cyrus (@mileycyrus) tarafından paylaşılan bir fotoğraf ()

But wait! A light in the distance? Could it be?

been a while since i felt like dis.... A photo posted by Miley Cyrus (@mileycyrus) on

No, just a very disturbing Billy Joel Doppleganger. Is she promoting some new album he's doing? She is going HAM and pepperoni.

pizza fo breaky Una foto publicada por Miley Cyrus (@mileycyrus) el

She

pizza queen

A photo posted by Miley Cyrus (@mileycyrus) on

Can't

pizza will never let you down

A photo posted by Miley Cyrus (@mileycyrus) on

Stop

Looks like an edit but it most certainly is not dats my bed fokzUna foto publicada por Miley Cyrus (@mileycyrus) el

And she

me early am on the 1st cumminnnn down from da turn up

A photo posted by Miley Cyrus (@mileycyrus) on

Won't

dweamz come twu

A photo posted by Miley Cyrus (@mileycyrus) on

Stop

 

mewwy cwisssstmas tiew alllllll & tiew allllll a giewdddd night mannnne (wish I was cuddlin some fo real)

 

A photo posted by Miley Cyrus (@mileycyrus) on

 Seriously

A photo posted by Miley Cyrus (@mileycyrus) on

She

real life editttt mane

A photo posted by Miley Cyrus (@mileycyrus) on

Won't

 

step up yo pizza game hospy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

A photo posted by Miley Cyrus (@mileycyrus) on

Stop... I Stop The World...

 

Happy birrrrrfday to da biggest pizza slut of em all

 

A photo posted by Miley Cyrus (@mileycyrus) on

World Stop!

Recording

A photo posted by Miley Cyrus (@mileycyrus) on

I have it on good authority that Miley and MTrain have been spotted out and about together, hitting up local pizza places, doing karate in the garage, and just bro-ing out real hard. They seem to be really vibing, and there have been rumors that Meghan is going to endorse her upcoming Pizza Glam collection. There is just one thing missing in the mix, and it's pictures of Miley in the recording studio. I just need my fix man. So quit stuffing your face with Fat Tony's deluxe 3 meat and 4 cheese Italian special, and make a new record! I know, I know, she can't be waiting on a man to tell her where the fuck her CD at, where Mikewill at?

This is why I love Miley, because she is like honey badger. She just don't give a shit. Miley, Mary-Kate, and Ashley be like I love p-i-z-z-a and Azealia be all

She up in the Hut, high off purp, eating pizza/ Tatted up, extra cheese, gotta coupon #23Remix