If you're in the UK, you can watch the interview and performances in their entirety here, but if not, fear not, we've got the cliff-notes version for you.
On her brother Christopher's tell-all, 'Life With My Sister Madonna':
"I would say we're speaking again, we're friends again. It took a while, it really hurt me, there were many years of silence but I do believe in forgiveness, and I think that he feels bad that he did it. So hopefully it'll all be alright in the end."
On her age and the fall:
"I am getting younger, that's reality... Did you see me fall down those stairs? Did you see me get back up again?"
On finding the right man:
"The right guy won't be afraid to come up to me... I'm old fashioned, I like it when a guy approaches me. So put that in your pipe and smoke it."
On 'Rebel Heart':
"The majority of songs on this record are quite personal."
"I'm working the matador look right now."
And that bum-flash at the Grammys:
"That naughty, devilish voice in my head... said lift up your skirt - and I did."
On the peaks and troughs of fame:
"I'm the luckiest girl in the world, I don't want to be anonymous, but... actually there is no but, except the one I'm sitting on."
"I don't like cats."
(The internet weeps.)
In a particularly amusing moment when the studio audience asked Madonna for advice, she also called a poor single man's attire "man repellent" and advises him to "focus on you, and dressing better."
And when discussing her loyal gay fans, who she says she does not take for granted, Madonna professed not to know what a "top or a bottom" is. You know what, Madge, I don't know that I believe you.
Finally, when asked what advice she'd give her younger self, she simply said "fasten your seatbelt, you're in for a bumpy ride."
The really impressive thing about M's interview this evening was that she managed to portray a human touch that's too often been missing from her public persona. Coming off as witty, modest and engaging, the Madonna that Britain saw this evening was a far cry from the arrogant, stand-offish Madge that we may remember from the '90s. Perhaps Madonna's biggest hurdle in gathering the support of people at large has been Madonna, so it's refreshing to see a new side of the superstar so many years into her career.
Not to mention that she gave two extremely impressive performances, dusting off the "Living for Love" remix from her recent French promotion and giving a far better vocal performance of "Ghosttown" than we've seen so far.
Overall, the Jonathan Ross Show was something of a triumph for the material girl and with her album set to hit number one on the official UK albums chart this weekend, she has a lot of British celebrating to do.