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ovoxo

I need advice from exhale :(

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13 minutes ago, Edge Of Clockin' You said:

I'm dead at immature his answer. You do that, take some time off, you might actually end up surprised at how you didn't miss him that much.

And thank's for that, you can hit me up whenever you need to talk.

Thanks. The world needs more people like you :kiss:

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@ovoxo Look, nobody's perfect. He's going to f**k up and this won't be the last time. He's human. As long as he's not abusing you in any way, it's alright for you to forgive. If anything, it makes your bond stronger. My boyfriend has fucked up so many times, and so have I. For example, we both forgot each other's birthdays our second year of dating. :moorangu:

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1 hour ago, Urbanney said:

1.Why would you go on Grindr for friends? 2. Why would you go on Grindr to look for a friend, when you already have a friend to go out with? :wyd:

f**k that. something's not right there. i'd dump him.

The right choice might be dumping him but unless more evidence appears this incident won't be enough for him to forget him. They've been together for a year, it's not that easy. But If he really is a cheater and it wasn't a one time mistake he'll do it again eventually and then, in my opinion, it will be easier for him to move on. 

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5 minutes ago, BoyToySoldier said:

@ovoxo Look, nobody's perfect. He's going to f**k up and this won't be the last time. He's human. As long as he's not abusing you in any way, it's alright for you to forgive. If anything, it makes your bond stronger. My boyfriend has fucked up so many times, and so have I. For example, we both forgot each other's birthdays our second year of dating. :moorangu:

That's what one half of my mind is saying. I want to forgive him I really do, but I just feel so stupid and lied to. Like we plan on marrying each other, I'm scared he's gonna f**k up somewhere down the line once I let my guard completely down. But he is the love of my life, so I see what you're saying about being able to forgive him. Maybe I should :(

7 minutes ago, PieceofBritney said:

The right choice might be dumping him but unless more evidence appears this incident won't be enough for him to forget him. They've been together for a year, it's not that easy. But If he really is a cheater and it wasn't a one time mistake he'll do it again eventually and then, in my opinion, it will be easier for him to move on. 

Exactly, I wish I could be a savage and just move on but I'm not like that. I'm such a sensitive mush. We've became a daily and huge part of each others lives. I just can't help but feel insecure whenever I'm not with him now. 

 

I want to beleiveeee it's just you and meeeee... :otears:

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3 hours ago, ovoxo said:

It drives me crazy cause I saw him follow some dude on instagram, and I asked about it but he said it was just a random follower. A few weeks later I find out that he met up with him. Trust me it won't be hard to act sad and hurt cause I really am lol. It's sucks cause I always see the good In people no matter what. He's trying to make me happy again. He gave me all his passwords, bought me flowers, and he has his location shared with me at all times. 

On a side note his best friend is a hoe who was begging him to find someone to meet up with, knowing I've been dating him for a year. I hate that bitch :wannadie:

I'd act indifferent for a while if I were you. It will make him think you're losing interest, therefore he will try harder. If you continue on caring about where he goes and what he does, and pay too much attention to him he will think nothing changed and everything is same as before even though he made this huge mistake. It's hard to do it, specially now that you're probably extra paranoid, but either way he will do it again if he wants to, you nor anyone can stop someone from cheating unless they stop themselves. Go out and have fun with him, but pretend you're not as interested as before ONLY about his private life and whereabouts, it will make him wonder if his actions had affected you, trust me. 

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3 minutes ago, PieceofBritney said:

I'd act indifferent for a while if I were you. It will make him think you're losing interest, therefore he will try harder. If you continue on caring about where he goes and what he does, and pay too much attention to him he will think nothing changed and everything is same as before even though he made this huge mistake. It's hard to do it, specially now that you're probably extra paranoid, but either way he will do it again if he wants to, you nor anyone can stop someone from cheating unless they stop themselves. 

Hmm very smart I'm going to try that. Because whenever he's in he verge of loosing me, he acts super nice and tried really hard. What would I do without exhale :bigkiss:

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5 minutes ago, ovoxo said:

Hmm very smart I'm going to try that. Because whenever he's in he verge of loosing me, he acts super nice and tried really hard. What would I do without exhale :bigkiss:

I edited my post, I told you to have fun with him like before, just pretend you're less interested in his whereabouts for a while. It will be more affective if you appear normal or happy-ish while doing it, it will be more believable. It'll drive him more crazy that way. :tiffanynod:

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Just now, ovoxo said:

That's what one half of my mind is saying. I want to forgive him I really do, but I just feel so stupid and lied to. Like we plan on marrying each other, I'm scared he's gonna f**k up somewhere down the line once I let my guard completely down. But he is the love of my life, so I see what you're saying about being able to forgive him. Maybe I should :(

You can't just expect everything to be perfect 24/7. That's only going to set you up for extremely high expectations, and when they're not met you're going to have a huge meltdown and you'll only be hurting yourself in the process. The gay media loves to paint a pretty picture and fantasy about what a relationship should be like and it's wrong.

For example, for my boyfriend's birthday our first year of dating I got him a very nice designer tie that he can wear to work. He told me he loved it and was really happy that I got him a present. He never sent me a photo of him wearing it or mentioned it again. I asked him, "hey what happened to the tie I got you"? He said "I just don't have the right color shirt to wear it". Naturally, I felt upset. I spent 60 dollars on that sh!t. I vented to a friend who was older than I was, and he gave me the best advice: "it doesn't fucking matter if he wears the tie or not. what he cares about is that you took the time to actually get him a present and thought of him, his special day and his job". And that advice really hit me when months later on my own birthday he got me this cologne that I only wore two times on a date and then never wore again because I didn't like it that much. It didn't matter to me so much as the thought of him taking time out from his busy day to go buy me a present and have it wrapped in a cute box.

So honestly? Focus on having great memories and laugh together. Don't sweat the small stuff so much because it's only going to make things worse for you when he makes a bigger mistake. :hugs: 

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6 minutes ago, BoyToySoldier said:

You can't just expect everything to be perfect 24/7. That's only going to set you up for extremely high expectations, and when they're not met you're going to have a huge meltdown and you'll only be hurting yourself in the process. The gay media loves to paint a pretty picture and fantasy about what a relationship should be like and it's wrong.

For example, for my boyfriend's birthday our first year of dating I got him a very nice designer tie that he can wear to work. He told me he loved it and was really happy that I got him a present. He never sent me a photo of him wearing it or mentioned it again. I asked him, "hey what happened to the tie I got you"? He said "I just don't have the right color shirt to wear it". Naturally, I felt upset. I spent 60 dollars on that sh!t. I vented to a friend who was older than I was, and he gave me the best advice: "it doesn't fucking matter if he wears the tie or not. what he cares about is that you took the time to actually get him a present and thought of him, his special day and his job". And that advice really hit me when months later on my own birthday he got me this cologne that I only wore two times on a date and then never wore again because I didn't like it that much. It didn't matter to me so much as the thought of him taking time out from his busy day to go buy me a present and have it wrapped in a cute box.

So honestly? Focus on having great memories and laugh together. Don't sweat the small stuff so much because it's only going to make things worse for you when he makes a bigger mistake. :hugs: 

I see where you're coming from and you have a point but when it comes to loyalty, it drives me crazy to think that he might be thinking about anyone else.  It's like where do I draw the line between forgiving someone and respecting myself. :(

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1 minute ago, ovoxo said:

I see where you're coming from and you have a point but when it comes to loyalty, it drives me crazy to think that he might be thinking about anyone else.  It's like where do I draw the line between forgiving someone and respecting myself. :(

Personally, if he truly loves me (and I know he does) what does it matter what some thot on Grindr does? The bond I feel is stronger than that, but that's just me. It's important to listen to how you feel. If you don't want to take the chance with the risk of getting hurt, it's ok. But I don't think you should let a random Grindr chat get in the way of someone you supposedly truly love. It's up to you in the end. :) 

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18 minutes ago, BoyToySoldier said:

You can't just expect everything to be perfect 24/7. That's only going to set you up for extremely high expectations, and when they're not met you're going to have a huge meltdown and you'll only be hurting yourself in the process. The gay media loves to paint a pretty picture and fantasy about what a relationship should be like and it's wrong.

For example, for my boyfriend's birthday our first year of dating I got him a very nice designer tie that he can wear to work. He told me he loved it and was really happy that I got him a present. He never sent me a photo of him wearing it or mentioned it again. I asked him, "hey what happened to the tie I got you"? He said "I just don't have the right color shirt to wear it". Naturally, I felt upset. I spent 60 dollars on that sh!t. I vented to a friend who was older than I was, and he gave me the best advice: "it doesn't fucking matter if he wears the tie or not. what he cares about is that you took the time to actually get him a present and thought of him, his special day and his job". And that advice really hit me when months later on my own birthday he got me this cologne that I only wore two times on a date and then never wore again because I didn't like it that much. It didn't matter to me so much as the thought of him taking time out from his busy day to go buy me a present and have it wrapped in a cute box.

So honestly? Focus on having great memories and laugh together. Don't sweat the small stuff so much because it's only going to make things worse for you when he makes a bigger mistake. :hugs: 

Not wearing a tie you bought him and breaking trust/cheating are two completely different things though lol. Not exactly what I would consider "small stuff"

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1 minute ago, BoyToySoldier said:

Personally, if he truly loves me (and I know he does) what does it matter what some thot on Grindr does? The bond I feel is stronger than that, but that's just me. It's important to listen to how you feel. If you don't want to take the chance with the risk of getting hurt, it's ok. But I don't think you should let a random Grindr chat get in the way of someone you supposedly truly love. It's up to you in the end. :) 

Thank you boo,  you gave me something to really think about. I really do truly love him but I know for a fact he wouldn't be okay if I had installed Grindr. 

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1 minute ago, Urbanney said:

Not wearing a tie you bought him and breaking trust/cheating are two completely different things though lol. Not exactly what I would consider "small stuff"

There's nothing that I consider cheating from a Grindr chat where nothing intimate took place in person. That's just me, I don't think it's a big deal.

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41 minutes ago, PieceofBritney said:

The right choice might be dumping him but unless more evidence appears this incident won't be enough for him to forget him. They've been together for a year, it's not that easy. But If he really is a cheater and it wasn't a one time mistake he'll do it again eventually and then, in my opinion, it will be easier for him to move on. 

Yeah, it's up to him if he wants to hold on. But me personally, I would dump someone who broke my trust like that, I don't care how long the relationship is. The longest relationship I've been in was 2 years, it was serious, thought we'd spend our lives together, and I'd still end it in that case too. Trust is everything in relationship. The idea of my SO choosing to go to someone else instead of me, even if we were in rough patch, just isn't acceptable to me. Trust and communication are huge in relationships, and that's a clear sign you chose to do neither. I would not put up with having to constantly worry if someone is telling me the truth or being faithful to me anymore. Maybe my solution is too black-or-white, but I just refuse to be taken advantage of or let anyone play me like that, doesn't matter how long we've been together.

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1 hour ago, BoyToySoldier said:

There's nothing that I consider cheating from a Grindr chat where nothing intimate took place in person. That's just me, I don't think it's a big deal.

That's his defense, although he admitted it was wrong and he wouldn't want me to do it it to him. I see where you're coming from. 

 

1 hour ago, Urbanney said:

Yeah, it's up to him if he wants to hold on. But me personally, I would dump someone who broke my trust like that, I don't care how long the relationship is. The longest relationship I've been in was 2 years, it was serious, thought we'd spend our lives together, and I'd still end it in that case too. Trust is everything in relationship. The idea of my SO choosing to go to someone else instead of me, even if we were in rough patch, just isn't acceptable to me. Trust and communication are huge in relationships, and that's a clear sign you chose to do neither. I would not put up with having to constantly worry if someone is telling me the truth or being faithful to me anymore. Maybe my solution is too black-or-white, but I just refuse to be taken advantage of or let anyone play me like that, doesn't matter how long we've been together.

I totally get where you're coming from too. I do have anxiety about whether I'm hearing the truth or not, but something is telling me don't let him go. I've tried, and I found a guy that was great to me, but it just wasn't the same and it didn't feel right. 

18 minutes ago, NewRomanticz said:

omg what is happening over here :otears:

We're having a therapy session :crying1:

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I was in the same situation over a year ago, he didn't meet with anyone though but I found some racy pics of him on one website, he told me he wanted to boost his self- confidence. I gave him another chance yet I am not completely over it. I know I will never forget and now even the smallest thing can set me off... Sometimes I even wonder if it is worth it. What is more, he refuses to tell his parents thet he's even in a relationship even though he came out to them years ago. He says he's afraid of their reaction and that it woud make them feel uncomfortable( but come on is it so hard to just tell the truth and say he's going on a trip with his boyfriend instead of a friend)... He had countless of opportunities to acknowledge my existance and still nothing... We've been having arguments about it for the past two days. He keeps telling me I'm his whole world but I feel like I am not even a part of it anymore.

 

Sorry, drifted off topic... I would recommend not to do anything on the spur of the moment, evaluate your relationship and see if you can trust him again. If not, whenever his out with a friend you will keep wondering if he really is... So if there are doubts, I do not think it will work. You will keep questioning him all the time which will result in constant fighting. You may even try to find problems just to make him pay for what he did which will only make things worse.:brityeah:

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