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I'm a 21-years-old virgin. Help!

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20 hours ago, Urbanney said:

I highly, highly, highly recommend saving it for someone special. I couldn't imagine losing mine to a rando... Also, if you're not already, get more educated on STDs/STIs, how they can be transferred, etc. Even from oral sex, you can get pretty much any STD that's not HIV, so don't go sucking some random dude's d*ck or getting your d*ck sucked from some random dude and think it's safe. I generally would recommend not doing hookups. Your chances for STDs are higher, like I said, I wouldn't want to lose my virginity to a stranger or someone I didn't care/feel deeply for, and hookups always emotionally f**k me up, idky. There's nothing wrong with being a virgin. Honestly, I prefer jacking off to hooking up. I don't have to worry about STDs, getting fucked over (not in the good way) by people i don't really know, don't have to put in the time and energy of actually talking to someone, meeting up, and whatever happens after, don't have to deal with post-hookup regret, it's just easier. Sex can be a wonderful thing, but it's much more wonderful when it's with someone you know, trust, and love. Britney's song "Better" is so true lol... "When you know somebody, and they know your body... it's so much better." 

Just an opinion coming from someone who's had sex in love and also had their fair share of hookups, mistakes, and regret. :) 

I agree with this and that probably explains why I'm still a virgin lol. I'm just not the type of person to go around sleeping with anybody I meet - I'd rather be in a committed relationship and really love the person. 

And I hate the stigma around condoms really - that people seem to think that they're 'uncool'. I'd rather use condoms then to risk myself to STD's, a lot of which can cause nasty infections and even worse - HIV - which is a lifelong disease (but manageable) and I don't really want children either so I'd rather not be pregnant and have to go through the abortion process.

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Lost my (gay) virginity at 21 as well. It was with someone who I had seen more than once and not through Grindr where the first thing they look for is fuckability. If you are looking to lose your virginity to someone who is more than just a one night stand, then stick to it and you don't be ashamed! It takes a while to become comfortable and find the person you feel safe with. If that means waiting a little longer, then so be it. Best of luck, it's a big deal -- so hopefully you will make it special if you want it to be!!

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On 7/28/2017 at 7:13 PM, -Liar. said:

I almost lost my virginity tonight with a guy on Grindr, but I didn't want to do it because I'm a stupid f**k who is trying too hard to look like a romantic when actually I'm just an insecure little bitch.


I think you need to re-read your own statements here and reflect upon why you seemingly have so much self-hatred and are internalizing anger to this extent. You're being incredibly hard on yourself. 

Notice you also said, "I didn't want to do it." Is that because you're not actually ready yet, or is it due to your insecurities? 

EVERYONE is insecure in romantic and sexual relationships to some extent, because putting your heart and body out there for another person is an incredibly vulnerable experience. You never can know if the recipient will appreciate what you've shared with them, or if you'll never hear from them again. 

As such, I highly recommend first having sufficient self-esteem, so that you know prior to the sex itself, that even in the event your partner breaks up with you afterward/engages in ghosting behavior, YOU will nevertheless still be okay. 

Also, there is absolutely no right or wrong age to lose your virginity (barring, of course, individuals under the age of legal consent). Some people are ready at 16; others aren't ready till their mid-twenties or later. And I know it's much easier said than done, but try your best to tune out what your friends/others in your social circle are doing, and just figure out what's right for YOU. 

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