Directioners Unanimously Crack, Attempt to Buy One Direction Through Crowdfunding

Following the departure of Zayn Malik after five years in the spotlight, One Directions fans are having an, um, let’s called it a ‘difficult time adjusting’. One of their many, increasingly less balanced, Twitter campaigns now involves purchasing the band from Modest management for an estimated $46 million.

The fandom appears to hold management entirely responsible for Zayn leaving the band, citing over-work and a lack of concern for the boys’ mental health as the primary abuses in their power. They claim that management are going to keep working the boys to the bone until the expiration of their contract in 2016, hence the announcement that work on their fifth studio album will continue through the year.

There are also some more sinister accusations that seem to be circling the net, including the idea that management may now be separating members Louis and Harry due to rumors that they boys are involved in some sort of intimate relationship with each other.

The whole thing might sound far-fetched, and the idea of raising enough money to purchase the band is sheer lunacy, but I’d be shocked if over-work had nothing to do with Zayn’s untimely split, especially following speculation that he may have had to pay up to $10 million to be extradited from his contract with the band.

In a lot of ways, it’s reminiscent of the way that management would treat manufactured pop acts back in the ‘90s - think Backstreet Boys, *NSYNC or even Britney - they keep pumping them for as much productivity as possible, releasing back-to-back albums and touring almost non-stop to pump as much cash out of the act before their relevancy expires.

Of course, the irony of that tactic is that the public typically get sick of the band or artist due to the over-exposure that the relentless touring and promotion inevitably creates.

Hopefully once the band are released from their contract in 2016 they’ll have a bit more freedom in their artistic endeavours.

In other news, rumor has it that Zayn is planning on going to university rather than attempting a solo-career, so the claim that he wants to pursue a life outside of the spotlight may be less hollow than we originally thought.

Will you be donating to the campaign to buy One Direction from their management?