Britney’s Baby Ooze

Why are German movies so awesome? I ask this not because I’m about to trot off to Germany for a month like an asshole, but because it is a legitimate question that has plagued you since the dawn of time, when it was just you and some protozoan ooze chillin’ on the as-yet-undivided continents, watching God write the Bible. “Hey, God,” you’d say, “I’ll bet you a kajillion prehistoric space-dollars you can’t use the word ‘tabernacle’ 75 times in one verse,” and God would be all like, “Oh yeah? I’ll do whatever the fuck I want, I’m God — here’s Leviticus. Booyah!” And as God scribbled away, you and the protozoan ooze would exchange knowing looks and you’d say to the ooze, “Why are German movies so awesome?” and the ooze would say, “Well, for starters nobody says ‘booyah’ in them.” And the ooze had a point; it’s really too bad it evolved itself (slightly) into Britney Spears’ fetus, because it really had some good commentary back at the dawn of time.

Source: L magazine